Rejection Paralysis

The past does not really have a hold on me unless I allow it to
The past does not really define me unless I give it the power to.
And I can live beyond the pain of the past and hence divorce fear with Christ Jesus in my life.

When I think of the rejection Christ went through, I am left speechless.
He came on earth for us.
That is not enough, He came on earth for us and most of the time He was on earth was spent making furniture.
Why then am I allowing my job to define who I am?
Why am I held back from reaching for the skies because of my present job?
Why does rejection paralysis attack me when I work towards a better me?

He then got these 12 guys.
As He was choosing them, He knew that Peter would deny Him and Judas would betray Him.
As He fed the 5,000 and healed multitudes, He knew they would later on shout – ‘Crucify Him’.
If that was me;
Would I still invest in them?
Would I still allow them to spend time with me?
Would I still count them as my close friends?
Would they be in my inner circle?
Would I still share a table with them?
Well, God knew the reply to that and I guess that is why I don’t know who will do what to me.
Did Christ’s knowledge of all of these stop Him from fulfilling His call?
Did Christ’s knowledge of all this make Him moody?
After He died, did Christ change His mind about the Holy Spirit as punishment to the disciples?
When feeding the 5,000, did He divide them according to faithfulness?
Then why do I do all He didn’t do?
Why do I fear rejection so much that my love is paralyzed?
Why do I foresee danger and with hold affection?
Why do I suffer from rejection paralysis?
Why do I punish my friends for sins my family or other friends committed?
Why do I make the love of my life pay for the sins ‘other loves’ committed?
Why am I held in this rejection paralysis?

While still on this topic of rejection, I am reminded of Joseph.
Eh, Joseph challenges me!
We do not see him punishing the whole of the region by holding back information as regards to the pending famine.
We do not see him refusing to give his brothers food and love?
We see the opposite.
Why then am I held back from my purpose and call because of past rejection and pain?
Why am I held back by this rejection paralysis?

King David sinned.
He took another man’s wife and killed the man.
Even with all that, the child still died.
Does David give up on God?
Does he decide to turn to other gods?
Does he hold God at ransom?
Why then am I held back from loving God because of unanswered prayer?
Why then am I held back from trusting God completely?
Why would rejection paralysis apply to the Lover of my soul and King of Kings?
Why would I have rejection paralysis when I am with the only person who will never leave me nor forsake me?

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‘Tiny’ Act of Selfishness

Today I watched in shock as cars got held up in traffic jam because of a ‘tiny’ act of selfishness. Someone wanted to park in an accessible place for dashing in and out of a supermarket. This should not have been a problem for anyone if all traffic continued flowing freely. That was not the outcome however. I watched in wonder as 3 different roads were lined up with cars because of this very ‘tiny’ act of selfishness.

As I watched this, I was left wondering. How many times have I done something for my convenience knowing it is wrong? How many times have I counted the cost before I do that ‘tiny’ act of selfishness? How many times have I thought of anyone but me as I go about my business?

So, the year is ending and time for making resolutions is once again here. I am starting to think that maybe I will make some resolutions that do not benefit only me but my neighbour too. I am starting to think that maybe I will think about something more than I need to make more money, lose more weight, make more friends or even become more famous. I think that maybe,this coming year I will write resolutions that deal with my ‘tiny’ acts of selfishness.

Maybe just maybe, a life will be changed by this resolution of mine.

2012, a year for me to kill these ‘tiny’ acts of selfishness
2012, a year for me to think past more for me to more for others