It starts with me

I have been observing some really ‘disturbing’ trends. I have been meeting some people that seem to just rub me the wrong way. I have been having more moments with statements like ‘Help me Oh Lord not to open my mouth’

Each of these times,I have been pointing and pointing to all those people. Those people that are getting me angry, those people that are planting doubt in my mind because of their negative words, those people that just keep talking and keep going without seeming to care about anyone else.
I have been observing, noting and wondering why now…

I then realized that all this that I noted, all this that got me angry was small bits of me. Aspects about me that push people to the corner. Small bits about me that some other people can not stand.
The only reason I believe I could see these ‘disturbing’ trends was because I could relate completely to them.

It is now that I decide to say ‘Oh Lord help me keep my mouth shut’ not because someone did something ‘disturbing’ but because I may say something ‘disturbing’

It is now that I decide to say ‘Oh Lord help me’ not because someone will do something ‘disturbing’ but because I will do something ‘disturbing’

It is now that I decide
It starts with me

I Wouldn’t Be My Option

So, I know myself and like I like to say ‘If I were God choosing someone to do some work for me, I wouldn’t be my option’

When I read about God using the weak things of the world to shame the strong, my mind is screaming ‘I KNOW, I CAN TESTIFY’
When I read about God using a donkey, I am smiling, waving my hands like a mad woman and saying ‘I AM HERE LORD, I CAN BE A DONKEY FOR YOU’
When I read about God saying that if we call unto Him, He will do great and mighty things, I stand on the chair and start shouting ‘YES LORD, I WILL CALL UNTO YOU’

Then
I read about the lady of the alabaster box; her expression of love and the secret thoughts of the people in the room, I slowly take my seat so that no one can see me and whisper ‘Hmmmm…. Okay!’
And then there is David dancing till his cloths fall off, I cover my eyes and write in my journal ‘I love you Lord but am not sure how that will bring glory to Your name’
Then these guys Paul and Silas get themselves imprisoned for the gospel, I bargain ‘I am set free because of you. If the truth sets us free then why prison? In fact I am short of saying ‘I bind all sorts of persecution in the name of Jesus until I see ‘In this world you will have tribulation but be of good cheer for I have over come the world’ Hmmmm, I wonder. ‘Who knew that tribulation and good cheer would look good in the same sentence?’
And who knew I could actually shut up?

It is at that point that I remember all these promises in Revelations about those who will overcome putting on crowns ,white cloths and cool stuff like that and I am full of energy. I stand up, carry a chair and start running with it as I scream ‘I AM YOURS OH LORD. You know am in’ that is until I discover that overcoming means hard times should have come before.

I then realize the honor and privilege I have to know a loving God who sent His son to die for me regardless…

I am forever grateful and in awe. I know that if I were God I would not choose me and that is why I am glad that I am not God