I do not know why I am doing this because I already feel too exposed and judged. My fear in doing this proves to me how much I have not appreciated you and I intend to change that trend so here I am pouring out my heart to you.
I realize now that I have not appreciated you. When I was a lot smaller in size, I spent most of the time thinking you had no character or drama because you lacked the curves I saw in ladies older than me. When you became a bit bigger, I hated you because your curves were a bit bigger than my friends. Now that you are so much bigger, I can not look at you because I feel so sad that you could look like this.
Sometimes I forget that you are the temple of the Holy Spirit and you just become a shell that I feel does not say who I believe me to be.
When people compliment you, I think they must be blind or want something because I do not see what they see.
Because I think these thoughts about you my love, I over indulge in a bid to punish you. I do not take care of you as I should because I think I will be able to move past what I think of you. I dress to prove how bad you are and to make sure nobody appreciates you.
I am so sorry that I have spent so much time hating you and pretending you are not there. I am so sorry for blaming and using you as an excuse every time I have felt insecure. I am so sorry for not recongnising your strengths as I have held onto what I feel your weaknesses are.
Even with all this, you have held me together through some really tough moments. You go through each day sometimes even two with little complaining and yet no sleep or even food.
You are so beautifully made for this that I need to do. You are saying more about me than I really am.
When I think of the times you have bounced back after some sort of strange sickness, I am grateful.
I know you have never heard this from me and yet I intend to make this a habit. You are beautifully and wonderfully made, the temple of the Holy Spirit. You are in God’s image and I intend to start treating you with love and respect.
I love you my body