Waiting…

I really do not have questions anymore. I am not even sure about getting answers to questions I asked a while back because it feels like I am in a never ending nightmare.

It feels like I am in a roller coaster ride that has gone bad. I feel like it has flipped and yet continues on the rails. I know I do not want to die but the pain and expectation of it to stop is eating at me. It is so painful that I sometimes feel like I can not breathe. It is so unpredictable that I fear that I may breathe and make i worse. This flip is becoming a nightmare of pain. it is feeling like a scenario I have prayed and hoped would never happen. It feels like a dream I am unable to get out of. I strive, I fight and I try to cry out but the tears, the scream all seem to be tied into some huge ball in my chest, a ball that I fear may injure my heart because it is so hard to breathe or even to feel my heart beat.

I am waiting for this to end; I am waiting for the pain to end and for the shout of victory to come. I am waiting for the shout of joy and the freedom that comes with release. I am waiting for this season to end. I am waiting for the pain to end. I am waiting… 

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